I do not belong to myself<3

Deut. 4:24 “For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God”

One vital thing in following Him is that we HAVE to meditate on His word. Because what we meditate on will become our mindset, and what we exalt in our minds becomes what we worship. What we worship becomes our God, and what becomes our God is who we have a love affair with. So lets meditate on this attribute of God. He is jealous<3

Jealousy- intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness; hostile towards a rival; vigilant in guarding a possession; feeling or showing envy of someone.

Synonyms: possessive

So, our bridegroom-He is intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness. If we “do not belong to ourselves” and truly belong to Him, this is a promise in His word- He does not tolerate rivals or unfaithfulness. He burns like fire in love for His bride. For you. For me. Another promise in being a jealous God- He is vigilant in guarding His possession. Another word for vigilant can be unrelenting.

Relent- become less severe or intense; to become more lenient; let up.

Synonyms- soften, relax, slacken. 

So, any other rivals (lovers) trying to woo and win over our hearts (whether it be a person, a sin, an idol), He is unrelenting towards and will guard us from (because we are His possession). Now of course husbands and wives love each other and the man pursues the woman. What I am talking about is placing something above our great bridegroom. If He is not first, there is a problem. Have you ever seen those old movies where a guy was pursuing a girl and another guy tries to come in and pursue her. The first guy either beats him up or makes it very clear that she is not available.

Bride, lets grab hold of this side of our bridegroom! He promises with the passion of a love sick warrior that He will NEVER “soften, relax, slacken” in winning our entire hearts. Isn’t that what we are looking for~when we do something far below our position as the bride of the King, when we make a God of a promise God has given, when we idolize another human being? The author of love, and our desires, and our hopes and dreams has promised us His unrelenting pursuit of us and the fulfillment of all our desires found in Him.

Numbers 23:19 He “is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

It’s the Kingdom of opposites:) what makes sense in the Kingdom doesn’t quite make sense on earth. To lose everything, we gain everything. To be last, we are first. When we surrender everything out of a desire for Him alone, all our desires are fulfilled. No our motive is not “pursue Him to get what we want” like being good so santa clause brings toys. But the truth of His Kingdom is that when He is our pursuit, all favor and blessing and abundance is on us<3 When we grab from an orphan spirit, not trusting our Papa, we will find that He is “unrelenting” and will cut off that rival.

His desire is not our comfort but our entire being. i am finding that He desires to enhance our entire perception. He has so many amazing things He wants to give us~He is not withholding anything~but wants us to be able to truly receive it with a faithful heart<3 He knows the blessings that would break us… I am overwhelmed at the magnitude and reality of His love. It truly is the heart of someone who is willing to allow pain in our lives in order to see us become more free, more surrendered, more full (if that makes sense). It’s a love of depth, a love incomparable, a love unrelenting. I thank Him for the painful processes, because it is in those moments i hear Him most clearly, and find out new levels of His heart that i was unable to see within season of blessings. Do i desire to stay in pressure filled seasons, no lol;) But for His beloved, it’s always a win win situation. What the enemy means for our destruction, he uses to push us further and deeper into our destiny. Thanking Him for the circumstances when we do not understand what’s going on and are experiencing pain takes the sword from the enemy’s hand, and gives it to our great vindicator<3 He uses everything for our good~hahahahaha, so i laugh at the attack:) and even rejoice~ He works everything for our good, for those who love Him<3

If we have given our hearts to the great Bridegroom, we do not belong to ourselves. And if you authentically desire Him beloved~ expect pressure. Everything and anything will chase your heart in a desire to steal it from Him, even the smallest portion. But:) no worries. He is unrelenting. He promises to NOT “slack, relax, soften” in His pursuit of our hearts.

Season of Waiting

To Wait = staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens.

All of us can remember times when our parents would tell us we had to wait for something, whether it be a yummy for our tummy, or an event we were beyond stoked about! I remember at times feeling as though I would explode and die during the waiting (especially as a kid). During the younger years time sure seemed to pass by a lot slower. But reflecting on those times and seeing the bigger picture, I realize that there was something very authentic and sweet and amazingly rewarding about having to wait.

Which brings me to this blog post. Our Abba is a good Daddy, and that truth is so much more deep and tangible than words on a screen can even describe. He doesn’t give us what we want when we want it and if I am truly being authentic and not joking around like a middle schooler, I must admit that I am SO thankful that He calls us to wait. Though the waiting part is difficult, the part of it that causes me to feel the overwhelming tides of His love is why He calls us to wait for certain things. It is His desire (His pleasure) to see us grow and mature. BUT WAIT (lol me trying to be punny) but seriously, wait:) the awesomeness doesn’t stop at His desire to see us grow. He desires to see us grow so we can enjoy His gifts AT THE HEIGHT OF OUR ABILITIES TO ENJOY THEM!

Random example: imagine you are at dinner with God the Father. Yall sit down, start eating some bread sticks, and begin joking and talking about whatever. The Chef, Jesus, comes out personally (because He is very acquainted with your Dad;) ) to talk about your desire and interest for dinner. You say you would like the steak because you have been desiring one for a very long time, have heard from others how amazing it tastes, and your Dad promised to buy you one on a special occasion<3 you have waited and waited and now the special occasion has come and your out to dinner with Him. You tell the chef, and He goes back and begins to prepare it. You get antsy after a while and the Father reassures you that “we are in a very fancy restaurant, only the best for my princess, and so we may have to wait a little bit longer. If I ask Him to hurry in preparing your meal my dear, He might not cook it all the way. Do you trust my judgment beloved, and that I trust this chef to bring you the steak at exactly the right time?” 

That is the most random example, i know;) but it was the first thing that popped into my mind. Basically, the Lord has been revealing to me that

1.) He has the best in store for us<3 and doesn’t want us to get less than the best. We are children of God (not slaves, not peasants). And He desires we mature and grow (in anticipation as well) so that when we receive the meal He plans to serve us, we are able to taste it fully and savor is truly.

2.) He wants to dine with us during the waiting:)<3 this is what gets me most~He desires to be enough in our eyes (that we realize and find that without the steak dinner, or the fancy restaurant, or any gifts) He is enough and more than enough<3 That the gifts are toppings on the cake that reflect His character and passion to give amazingly and abundantly more than we could ever imagine!

So He has called me to a season of waiting~ and I am so excited:) to wait until another thing happens that calls me to step forward into the next season of receiving~the meal that He has described to me is truly something I could have never imagined for myself, and though i am overjoyed and in awe, i am excited and thankful for the season of waiting and dining with the Lover of my soul<3 i am most thankful for the fact that what He desires to give me in the future makes me want to run to Him more<3 the motives of my heart are for Him (to know Him more, to lavish Him more, to be a place of delight for my Darling and my Love)<3

A Picnic for Ants?

So we are moving to a new home, and leading up to our departure day there have been an ambush of ants. First they came out of a crack in our bathroom. Somehow there was Berts Bees face wash on our counter and they thought that was yummy.  I conquered them and felt triumphant. Then they were in our hallway, feasting on some cat food. I conquered them, also doubling up on goosebumps as I defeated them. Thinking the fight was over I relaxed. But then, at our front door we left a bag of garbage to walk down to the dumpster on our next trip downstairs, and as I was helping my mom take stuff down to her car, I saw ants feasting on the garbage. It made all the hair on my body stand at attention. *shivers*

We don’t host bugs in our home, but sometimes they just invade without warning. After killing the last batch of intruders, it hit me. Is that not an amazing picture of what we are like spiritually??! Like, think about it. Have you ever been minding your own business,  loving life and feeling on top of the world, when suddenly you KNOW you are under attack. You start feeling emotions like sadness, defeat, lack, anger~and for NO reason. Or things begin to come at you from people and those emotions come out of a reaction to attacks from people etc who you thought were on your side.

I know for me, whenever I complete a batch of homework, instead of moving on to the next batch~continuing the flow of awesome college studiousness~i sit back and marvel at the awesomeness of the batch that was just completed. And spiritually, when God does something AMAZING in me and i know Him more intimately b/c of that experience, i sit back and marvel at what has happened, putting down my guard. What I am actually doing is thanking God for the feast, but then taking a nap on the grass. I in essence have given the enemy the open opportunity to take the good things i have received from the Lord. Now the enemy can have a feast, and i’m left attacked and at a loss of awesome yummyness, b/c i failed to realize the Kingdom wanting to invade our reality.

Jesus did not come so that we could taste awesome heavenness and know what it would be like when He returned. He brought the Kingdom to earth, and passed it on to the disciples, who were to “disciple nations.” it’s a family business~the business of the Kingdom. We don’t submit to the lie that the supernatural is for a previous time (or someone else who is more gifted and anointed). We each have different gifts for the Kingdom~all equally important. Along our journey we are going to have awesome moments of triumph. But awesome moments of triumph are not for sleeping. (Yes we are to learn abiding rest within Abba’s embrace, and learn to maintain that rest at all times), but we are not to be un-wise with our treasures. Rest in the spirit (learning to maintain the abiding rest of the Spirit) is different from what I am talking about. I am talking about complacency.

The actual definition for complacency means  self satisfied. Sometimes i get satisfied in the moment with what God is doing that rather than using my history and intimacy with God as a weapon, i sleep and let the feast be eaten  by ants (the dark forces of the enemy). Those intimate times with God, those moments He speaks~write those down, meditate on them along with the promises in the word~because remembering our memories of victory and intimacy with the Lord completely destroy the works of the enemy. If we know who we are (who He has told us we are) and whose we are (who He really is in character) no lie of hell can deter our mind and lull us to sleep.

always desire more and more History with God:) because as you draw closer to His heart, the Kingdom becomes your reality rather than the circumstances surrounding you<3 “Your personal History with God is found primarily in the secret place~when no one is watching.”-Bill J

Live Like Somebody Left the Gate Open

i found the most precious picture on Pinterest about a week ago and it’s of a little dog leaping in the air (looks like he’s flying) across a green yard. The caption says “Live like somebody left the gate open.” <3:)

lately i have been hearing through many amazing speakers (as well as from the Lord in quiet times) the importance of “seeking first the Kingdom” (Matthew 6:33) and what that looks like. Jesus said ”Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Luke 18:16). And the central focus of that statement is faith. Jesus repeats over and over when He is among  people  ”your faith has made you well” and “you of little faith” and “why are you afraid.” A child dreams. They jump off of furniture, imagine things beyond comprehension, and if they have a healthy relationship with their fathers they do not live hesitant or insignificant. They boldly jump into their father’s lap, make their requests and desires known, share imaginations and dreams, and have a mindset of the impossible. There is such a simplicity and innocence. There is NO striving in a Father and son relationship. A son simply is. And that is essential to knowing the Kingdom, and our Abba Father.

Jesus left us with not only the command to heal the sick, raise the dead, and love God with all our being and to love our neighbors. He left us with His Spirit so we would be able to do all these things. He left the gate wide open.

Though I can have the tendency to point my finger that others have stayed in the yard (pointing at the speck in my neighbors eyes) i know now, after encountering Him in such a manifested way, that i’m tired of pointing.  I’m ready to receive, because it truly is the richest thing (knowing the Kingdom)! And if I have received, i can then give something! So long, so so so long, i have strived… I’ve acted out of an orphan spirit, grabbing for myself as if i didn’t already have everything that was my Fathers (aka the brother of the prodigal son). i focused on fixing things instead of walking and abiding as the beloved. my faith was on the storm and the waves (like Peter was when he was walking on water.) He focused on Jesus and didn’t fall, until his focus left from Jesus to something else. That’s when Jesus (never condemning, always pruning for our dreams to have the ability to soar) grabbed Peter up smiling and said “you of little faith.”

This is huge for me… i realized when reading this that, Jesus, being the way to the Father, is to be our focus. when He is our focus, we have faith. seriously, this is like, huge for me. i’ve spent so much time focusing on everything wrong around me, that i missed the one right thing i was called to focus on. His eyes are like the comfort of being home after a long time away. His eyes are like, true love. The Father’s heart is in His eyes, and in His eyes, the embrace is new and never changing and never ending. In His eyes, every single person in the family is equally adored, and none are less. and this entire reality is brought to life by the Holy Spirit. the Spirit brings life, and life more abundantly. this picture has been given by learned and wise men that heaven perhaps is boring because we crave conflict, and it diminishes the Spirit, the Love of the Son and Father in such a way, depression just seems to be vibrant. But in an encounter with the Spirit, the Son and Father’s heart are true life. everything else fades, and you realize in them is all pleasure and fullness.

So, that being a mouthful i cannot even totally understand, i’m excited to say that the bride is growing in her understanding of the open gate (intentionally) opened<3Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Period:) and infinite

When He enters the Room

We just had a conference at our church called Legacy 2012. Jack Taylor, Bill Johnson and Leif Hetland were the main speakers, and the conference was surrounded by the mindset of family and the Kingdom. I see around me the greatest treasure a person can ever possess, and that is this: wise counsel. These men, are the most humble, authentic people I have encountered, and there are more I consider Fathers who I can receive from and know it’s a deposit straight from Abba’s heart. I see Jesus all over them, and when He enters the room, everything changes. My mindset is hypnotized on Him, my heart picks up the still yet roaring waters of a ongoing persistent romance. This is going to be jumbled, but as I have said, the Spirit just does something and I shpeeL it out as it comes~this blog is for just thinking and reflecting and that looks messy sometimes:)

to constantly place myself in His lap facing towards Him with a leg hanging on both sides of His body has become my mindset. realizing that He wants all of me because I add to Him. He sees value in me because I am unique~I don’t mean value like “girl you are valuable.” I mean, when people pray that “there be none of  me and all of you” sets ourselves up for a very skewed view of God. Because before He created us there was none of my being, that’s why He created us! (that line is credited to Bill Johnson). Wow…

And now I am just on a level with Him that is unexplainable.  We move His heart, we cause Him to act, We are apart of His sovereignty and not just a plastic bag in a dirty deserted parking lot being blown around by the wind.

and to be real and true and honest, my fear is that though I have received this TRUTH, I fear that my religious professors ideas about a dull and boring heaven will become reality. I know that sounds crazy but that is where I am at. But I know He is going to completely, totally, change that because He is going to set my mind so secure in His reality (what the world says is not reality) that i will find an unshakable atmosphere… an atmosphere where, like Papa Bill said “we learn to Host the Kingdom, host the Holy Spirit as if the dove were actually sitting on our shoulder. everything changes. how we walk, talk, love, listen.”

As I see these men, and reflect on the numerous people I am overwhelmed to receive from, I turned to Him and said “I feel like there is so much history there. How could I? how can i? can i? well how much of that could be mine? to be so in tuned and in love with being on the bosom of your body”

and i heard the Lord say

“I’m willing to give as much of Me as you come a take”

He’s infinite…I understand now. I can have as much of Him as I want! There is no limit, no boundary, no doctrine, no fear, no circumstance that can take away the reality that He has the final word-He is king of heaven, and heaven will NOT be what man has described in a religious mindset, but heaven will be exactly like, and still very very much more, than this encounter I am experiencing… It’s reality at its peek. and still my soul knows before me that there is still more… And I am overwhelmed…

He is going to reach us in new ways moment after moment, and teach us reality…. And what my heart so longs for above it all

is the very thing He has promised my heart: that I am going to be so set in my identity in Him, so aware of the reality of His realm of thinking and knowing, so set on understanding the Kingdom, that nothing will deter me… nothing… because when He walks in the room, I realize that I am alive.

This all just hit me…

If following Him is supposed to be different from this world, we must (praise/party) harder, shout louder, pursue harder, press in more, than the world does… He is wine, pleasure ever more, JOY unspeakable!! Why then does the world have the excuses that the church is boring??

The Bible talks about taking the Kingdom by force!! No more are we a people who know some versus, but know the HEART OF GOD!! lets go out and heal the sick, be the heart of God instead of shaming people deeper into hells grip… We got this:) the church is uniting, and nomatter what man says, it will be the fruit of our battle and actions that will speak! We wont even need to speak!!

Wow, i was praying today. “Lord what if I say the wrong thing.” Guess what beloved, it’s about us walking it out:) Man will have nothing to say against us, because the fruit will be so amazing, and not of this world that they will either fall in love with Him, or choose to ignore the plain and visible facts and acts…

I see a bride so focused on the bridegroom, that nothing else is able to distract… that’s my big thing… I desire SO much that loving radically (and looking into His eyes) would become my reality so that when the enemy attacks, it will not deter me at all….

“Come to Me”

Something Graham Cooke once said has been super glued to my mind… “When we fall, it’s a place in our hearts in which we have not experienced His heart.”

Which means in our times of failing, crapping up everything, intentionally falling on our face because something seems worth the risk-are all areas we must intentionally bring before Him, JOYFULLY! this might sound weird and step on some religious toes, but what if in the midst of sinning, we jumped up excited because another place came to the surface that lacked the Love of the ultimate Lover? What if, and hear me in the correct context, we really looked at everything with Kingdom eyes… We belong to Him… Period. And if you belong to Him, He approves. Period.

In this world, if you have not noticed:) love is a hot topic. The heart is in the middle, and coming out of all sides are millions of ropes… And each rope leads to some smaller love, some idea, some perception of satisfaction and total security. Each rope is being pulled simultaneously. But there is one rope that tops them all:) I see in my mind eye, a rope that comes from the top, and wraps around the entire heart. )You know that feeling when your heart dances, and leaps, and feels on top of the world!) Well, this rope on the top wants us to always be lifted(: and the puller is Jesus.

Each time we fall is indicating another rope in us that needs to be snipped. The enemy knows that if we give into another rope, and then don’t run to the ultimate scissors, then we will be divided, and thus have less authority to impact other people with the love of loves<33

i am the lord your god

i go before you now

i stand beside you

im all around you

though you feel im far away

i am closer than your breath

and i am with you

more than you know.

i am the Lord your peace

no evil will conquer you

steady now your heart and mind

come into my rest

and oh let your faith arise

lift up your weary head

i am with you wherever you go

come to me, im all you need<3

come to me, im  everything

come to me, im all you need<3

come to me, im your everything

i am your anchor in the wind and the waves

and i am your steadfast, so dont be afraid!

though your heart and flesh may fail you

im your faithful strength

and i am with you wherever you go!

Walk In the Promise

“Our souls wait in silence, in rest and in quiet for You, Spirit, in trust and dependence we walk in this promise of you coming”

“we lift You up”

“we lift You up”

“we lift You up”

It’s this feeling of “everything being right, and Just, and as it should be.” It is a feeling of complete abandonment. A feeling of putting Him on such a high pedestal. A feeling of, bowing low on the carpet, at His feet amongst the worship of a few/and yet many:), and beginning to feel waves of whole security and whole adventure and whole love. Discovering daily that your previous “ideology” of who He is just doesn’t compare to who He is. He delights in shattering and rebuilding our idea of Himself, because that keeps the Lover guessing and on her toes, about what her Love will do next.

Our soul waits, in rest and silence. Abide in Him and He in you<3 out of that, should produce REST and AUTHENTIC LOVE and a continual GROWING HUNGER and UNITY among the body<3 anything that is not of rest/authenticLove/Growing Hunger/Unity~ should be looked over~because 10times out of 10, it’s not from Him. He is the Prince of Peace, Jehovah Jireh. Pain is different than a lack of peace. There is most certainly peace in pain. That’s what makes it divine, and that is why we have proof of the existence of our God. The steady rustling of the Spirit in times of chaos.

Abba, help us learn to be. and to abide. and to give You daily, our ideology of who You are so that You can take us to the next level of intimacy. Help us to take hold of the truth that “GREATER is He that dwells within us than anyone/anything that is in the world.” Saturate us with fresh rain that will produce the fruit of those truths… we walk in the Promise everyday because the promise has taken up residence within us~ we call into the present the promises made regarding the future~fuse together future and present as You wish, and give us new sight. give us more Abba, more of an addiction, more of a eagerness to be ever present (in) Your presence. To not run ahead, but to wait for Your presence before we take one step into our day<3

The Tide’s Comin’ In:)

I am beginning to understand in my heart, why God is so obsessed with the heart.

I heard that, I think it is Eskimos who hunt wolves by putting animals blood on a spear and they stick it in the snow for the wolves to find. Well, it is frozen blood, so the wolves begin licking and licking and licking the spear until their tongues go numb, and what they are actually tasting then is their own blood because they begin bleeding from the cuts, but they cannot feel it… They are numb… So they count it as pleasure, when in reality, it’s suicide…

the wolves then walk away, leaving a trail of blood for their hunters to find them…

Sounds like our world… people think they know pleasure, when all they are doing is tasting a perverted form of pleasure… The enemy, has so numbed the minds of people so that they think what is evil is actually good-what is destruction is actually prosperous. And even if you were to plead with the wolf that he was numb, his numbness would be such a thick veil, that he could not believe you…

The Bible says, above ALL else, guard our hearts…. Wait, lets let that penetrate..  ABOVE ALL ELSE. Above ALL else, guard our hearts…

^{Proverbs 23-27} Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that’s where life starts.
Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth;
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.
Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.
Watch your step,
and the road will stretch out smooth before you.
Look neither right nor left;
leave evil in the dust.

Do we honestly believe Abba is with-holding from us? Or have we in some areas become numb to the truth- that He has won EVERYTHING for us… All pleasure, all experience, all memories, all love, all faith, all healing, all wholeness.. It is all ours… That thought, is like a knife sharp enough to slice a rock… wow…

I know in some areas in my heart, I am numb… And, He won’t leave it that way because I am going to shove my heart in His hands, everyday, and moment, and during every hurt and confusing moment, and during every joyous experience when I believe myself to be a god… Because He is so for us! So for us, all the time, always in tune with our heart’s cry, as He gets the beat to match His own… He won’t leave us in the dust, He will train us to leave evil in the dust…

somewhere inside, I’ve been angry with others for certain things, but I just, have this feeling that, I am unique and wonderful and to enjoy each day with my Lover, without worrying about, anything……………………………………..

to Worry, is to not be settled in whose I am, and who He calls me<3 Life comes out of that Love Affair… Love,thenLive<3 And I feel the tides coming in, small at first (He loves my tiny heartcrys), and they are beginning to grow… Beginning to draw me into the ocean of a forever romance… Hurts keep me in the sand, but He is washing them away, giving me time… a sloppy wet kiss causes the sand beneath my body to suck my skin in like the beach water does to our toes…..

:]<3

The Sensitivity of the Spirit

The title of this post is the title of this book I am reading by R.T. Kendall…. And Right when I opened it I felt the HolySpirit all around me:))

It is all about being aware of the spirit and not grieving Him (aka or the anointing leaves). He Luke 2:41-52 talks about Jesus’ parents leaving Him behind while traveling home… a picture of us moving along with our plans, aka moving ahead of Jesus….

ANWAYS!! tehehe my point: I am reading, and realize, Mary and Joseph knew who Jesus was (the savior). But they never went around yelling (my son’s the savior, your son is not) etc etc etc… They had a treasure from God, a blessing, a gift to carry and nurture, and it got me thinking, how many times do I get a word, or just blessing from the Lord and then go blab it all over.  Nobody wants to give something to someone and have them always split it among the entire state…..?? it was meant to be precious~

I so want to be sensitive to Him…. so very much… Abba, I ask this for me and my friends, and Lord, for the guy I am thinking about that doesn’t know you~open heaven and divine appointments over his life and reveal to my own heart that prayer IS POWERFUL and AFFECTIVE!

the only reason I am typing this word is because it is HUGE and I want to remember it on my online journal;)